The Love of a Firefighter End of Chapter Part 3 - Closer than Ever

"Dave! Where have you....?"
"been... I know, Manne, where is she? Where's Lila? Have you seen her? Do you know where she is? Tell me, Manne!"
 "Whoa Dave, slow down, will ya? We've been trying to contact you and..."
"My cell phone was dead. There was a fire at a factory and Lila was taken into the hospital. Manne, where is she? Is she okay? I must find her."
Before she could answer my questions, a man who escorted me into the morgue had come to me and said:
"Sir, you left this at the morgue. Again, I would like to say  I'm glad that she's not your friend. Have you found her?" he said, handing me my helmet.
"Morgue? Dave? You tried to find her at the morgue?" asked Manne.
"It was a long story. It wasn't her. Have you seen her? Tell me! She's alive, right?"
"I'm.... Dave, I'm sorry... ." Manne looked at me with a pitiful face.
"What?! It couldn't be. She's - she's not in the morgue. She's...."

The Love of a Firefighter End of Chapter Part 2 - Hope at the Last Moment

****
[sound of sirens, smoke appear at the top of the building, fire blazing out from windows, a blast and people panic]

"The firefighters have been trying to put out the fire since 6:00 a.m., but strong winds and abundant flammable goods inside the building fueled the flames. Firefighters told the ABC News that the low water level was a serious obstacle in battling the blaze. At 7.00 a.m., a large explosion occurred in the third floor, most likely caused by a gas canister. Until now, no death reported, 10 people injured, and one firefighter has been hospitalized due to structural collapse."

On the scene:
 

"Command to Engine 41, Tell us your position!"  
"Command to Engine 41..."
"Engine 41!" 
"Damn, Lila, answer it!"

I yelled  in  panic after calling her without response.  Realizing that my effort was useless, I turned to the other firefighter. 

"I'm going to get Lila. Terry, take over the Command!"



The room filled with smoke and gas.  I could not see clearly on my way to find her. If she had stopped moving, her PASS should have made a sound, but it had not.

Fire continued to flare and blocked our way. It  difficult us to find the source of the gas leak. Lila had been out to the third floor, but it's been thirty minutes without any sign of her. 

I needed a sign, the sound of her PASS alarm.


 Then, after a few steps onward, I heard it.


It's not very far from my position. 

"Lila!!!"


[Dave cough]

I knew it must have been her PASS alarm. She's in front of me, only a few feet away, but the fire blocked our way.


 "LILA!!!"

 ****
November 2010:

[sound of footsteps entering a room]

"She's right there!" said a man who escorted him into the morgue.
At the end of those words and after seeing the view in the direction the man pointed him, he was instantly frozen. 

 He did not dare to move an inch toward it. He clenched his hands, trying to hold the shake that was coming from his fingertips. His heart beat faster and harder, much faster than the time when he  walked along the alley and into the morgue and much harder than the first time he was confronted with fire or even when he saw the death of the person he failed to save.  

He never thought that he would see it again, the corpse of the person he loved, lying  on the table with remaining pain from the fire reflected on its skin. His  father died because of fire and then the woman he put a hope for, the future he desired,  had to experience the same death. 

Deep inside, he felt guilt for not being there  when she was still fighting the fire, but guilt has no use...

"Sir?" the man broke off the silence and brought him back into reality.
"Thank you, if you don't mind, I...."
"Alright, Sir. Take your time." 

After the man had left, he continued  to stare at the body bag. It was only a few feet away from him. He swallowed hard, extremely hard....and then took a first step toward it, until he arrived - right in front of her.

****
Sometimes, I did have nightmares of our team or me being trapped in a fire, but my most nightmare was a dream of Lila being trapped and I could not reach her.

Still...

I've never thought that those dreams would never be compared to the reality: to see her lying in front of me, wrapped in a body bag.



I could not hold the shaking on my knees as I instantly collapsed.  My hands succeeded to hold the weight of my body on the side of the table. I knew I should open it, even though by opening it, everything I had would be gone in a second: her and the hope to be with her.  I could not face the truth or to imagine how she had suffered through all the pain.


However, I must face the truth....Still,  I believe that the corpse inside the body bag wasn't her. I didn't know, I just felt it.

"Dear Lord, please don't let it be Lila."

The Love of a Firefighter End of Chapter Part 1 - Could it Be?

I found that it was only a dream and not a reality.

I had to remove those stupid imaginations from my head before I was completely insane. So, I grabbed the towels and took a shower, hoping that the cold water would chill out my head and erase  the love I had for her or made me forget about the dream I had the night before.

Yet, as the water flowed throughly onto my head and ankles, and the palm of my hands pressed the  pale white wall in front of me, I could almost feel the gentle touch that I yearned so deep inside my heart -- her hands caressing my waist. That day, Monday, 06.00 a.m. November 22, she would wear a white chiffon dress  I had bought for her the other day.

Without shoes or slippers on our feet, we would  stroll down along the beach to enjoy the lovely sunrise, walked side by side so close to one other. Her head leaned on my shoulders and her arms around my waist.  I would kiss her forehead - with all my attentions centered on her.  I have to let her go once she noticed a seashell got stranded in the sand by the tiny waves that carried it into the shore.  After a smile of victory and showing off  her findings,  her hands would once again reach for mine.

She would be so beautiful in that white dress with her face glowing by the morning light. Her laughter filled  the air and her joy sunken into my soul. With all of that, she would drag me into the salt water, splashing it around and onto my face that makes us immerse in laughter until I pulled her in my arms and onto my chest.

There would be silent between us except for our pounding hearts as our eyes lock into each other's, beating fast, heavy together, wrapped in one another so close without any slight of distance between us. I would kiss her tenderly until the waves  hit us both and the water sank into the drain and slowly brought my mind back into reality.

I realized it was nothing more than an illusion. Still, no matter how I tried to forget her, those thoughts kept coming back inevitably. No matter how I wished the dream to happen, those tickets to Fiji Island had turned into nothing but useless papers. It was time to face the truth and to let go all memories and the shadow of that cold hearted woman.

I knew I had to face her, to question her reason for leaving me at the altar.

Lord, please help me not to yell at her. Yet, I found that it was quite strange and funny that no matter how angry or disappointed I was, I still missed her and yearned  for her love and  her touches even more. No. I quickly increased the volume of the shower faucet in a hope that the cold water would chill out my head and bring me back to sanity.

After finished taking that cold shower, I walked heavily to the bedroom and found Eva there. Poor woman got her heart broken, just like mine at the same time. I hate to wake her up, so I let her sleep on my bed while I was being stuck in reveries in front of the mirror.

That morning, instead of waking up with a blissfulness after an unforgettable night, enjoying a day for a beautiful honeymoon,  I had to arrange few words to explain to my colleagues the reason of my failure to slip a wedding ring on her finger. I wanted to escape, rather than to face it. Even though, it would be useless because I could not hide from them either, and cover it up like nothing ever happened. Though, it was quite true in some parts that nothing ever happened that day between Lila and me that would lead us into a more committed relationship.  I grabbed my shirt, dressed up and tied my shoe laces.

It was time to face the truth.

 

 I decided to stop by at her house before going to the fire station. I had to ask her personally.

After pressing her doorbell several time, I waited quite long until finally I decided to leave. When I arrived at the fire station, Tim  was the first person who greeted me there. "Dave, I heard about Lila. She's...."

"Don't talk about her right now. I want to forget about it, Tim."

"But..."
 

" Tim, I know I was so stupid to let a woman left me at the altar like that, but please... I would buy you a drink or two if it would satisfy you."

"But, Dave... Could you hear me first? Lila is..."

Before Tim could finish his lines, the emergency alarm rang. We had to go to the Twinbrook Hospital as soon as possible. 

  

 

An x-ray machine  had a catastrophic malfunction and it drew enormous amounts of electricity, causing a lightning strike to the hospital building.

 

For about three hundred thousand volts of electricity were carried into the hospital in  just a few milliseconds. It then traveled around metal wires and pipes inside the building. The lightning rod could divert it, but still, up to fifty percent of it had already spread over different conductive elements inside the building.
  

It caused damages on integrated circuits in computers and electronic equipments.  Some nurses and patient were trapped inside rooms with shorted out electronic locks. The lightning almost hit a visitor outside. He was a lucky person to be able to avoid it, but, the vital impact hit the electronic devices that support patient treatments, including life support machines. We must  handle the situation as soon as possible. 

At 3.00 p.m., I had finished handling a fire that caused by a small explosion inside the building and made sure that everyone managed to get out of the locked rooms safely, but  then I found Terry there. Strangely though, he wore a patient robe and not a uniform. I noticed he was quite surprised to see me.

"Dave! You're here. I've got a small injury because of the fire in a factory on the north bank side. Why didn't you answer your phone? I tried to call you, but your phone was inactive or something. I forgot it was your wedding day until Lila reminded me."
"Lila?"
"Yes. She kept calling you, but you didn't answer your phone. She called one of your friends to send the message to you. Lila thought that you would come, but we didn't see you around. She planned to come to the wedding as soon as we have rescued all the people who were trapped inside the factory, but on her way out of the building while assisting them, part of the roof fell on her. We had to bring her to the hospital. "

"What?! Is she okay now?"

"I don't know, you have to check on her. She's probably in a room somewhere."

I hurried off to find  her and then asked a nurse to check  the patients list, but the main computer was  still not working and it ended up for nothing. I had checked in every room, but  there was no sign of her.

I was in a real panic trying to find the person I cared so much. How could I've thought that she didn't come because she didn't want to marry me?! I should have known that she's not that kind of woman, and she might  have good reasons for it. If I saw her, I would fall on my knees and ask her for her forgiveness.

Still, everywhere I tried to find her, I could not find her. Then, a moment of shock hit greater than a lightning strike could have ever been.

A nurse said that a woman named Lila was being treated in a room. When I arrived there, there was no one in the room. The white sheet neatly covered the mattress. It seemed the room had already been emptied. Not long, a janitor came out of the toilet. She had finished cleaning the room and was about to clean another one until I stopped her before she could reach the exit door.

I asked her about the woman who was being treated in the room, and the truth unfold itself again in front of me. The nurse said that the woman died because the life support machine had stopped working after the lightning bolt.

She died?

She.... died

LILA DIED?!!! 
  

 

My world had really fallen apart.

For once in my life, I wished my life would end too.

To Be Continued...

The Love of a Firefighter Part 2/5 An Intro - The Dream

****

Her skin was soft and warm when he touched her. She was still fragile that it made him feel hesitated to let her go when the time finally came that they must be parted. If  he were granted a wish, he wanted to hold her  and shield her forever. But, no matter how eager he was, he knew he could not shield her forever and by doing so would only make him the most selfish man in the universe. How could he protect her, if her heart were the most fragile part? Just like his or anyone else. At least, he should have been content to have her and to be able to love her unconditionally.

For him, she was the purest thing he has ever seen. Her  innocent eyes and chubby cheeks added  cuteness when she smiled back at him. He took her out from the crib and then snuggled her, the fragile and delicate little child, the most important thing in his life beside of his wife. He was amazed from the first time he saw her through the glass window of the hospital room and was so thrilled for finally able to bring her home...  safe and healthy without any deficiency -- to become a mommy's and daddy's little girl,  to earn so much attention from them. Certainly, she was one lucky little girl who  gave joy for both of her parents when she was brought into this world.




Slowly, he put her down into the crib as his wife came and brought some diapers with her. Still not taking his eyes off  his baby, he said: "See her, baby? She looks a lot like me."

"Indeed." The wife answered him after a glance look at their new born baby. She contemplated it for a while. "Everything, except for her eyes. I'm glad she didn't inherit them from you, honey." She smiled, leaving him flustered over the statement. She walked away to put the diapers into a drawer not very far from the crib.

"What's wrong with my eyes?" He shrugged. Turning around to her when she had just finished closed the drawer.

The question left her with a smile upon her face -- as though she knew every little deep secret about the man she was married to. For a while, she enjoyed the little victory over the puzzle on his face.

"You were once a bad boy, and you're still. You used those eyes to get women's attention, didn't you?" She remarked.

"I did?" He questioned back, but with a smile and his flirting eyes, he said: "Baby, I forgot about that. You were once  amazed by my eyes  that you could not stand to live without me since then, right?" He winked, trying to tease her. It made her struggle --  defending her fort he had often able to breakthrough.

"Don't be too proud on it just yet, Mister." She said sternly, "If you do that again to another woman, I'll make sure that you will get a first-class at the Twinbrook Foundation Hospital and then... I will find myself another man."

"What? Babe?"

"I'm kidding- " She said after she noticed the look on his face, smiling gently at the fool in front of her, "I couldn't possibly make you hurt or pinch your nose only to make you feel pain. Though, I do love to pinch it a little." She said, pinching his nose with care. "It's just..." She put her arms around his waist, slowly embracing him with her love, "Don't you even think trying to hurt me by leaving me for another woman. I will surely hunt you down, Mister. Can't you see I want to grow old with you? I love you... I love you from the very first moment before you even  noticed me." She said, leaning closely on his chest. Her soft and tender touches did the wonder, and he could not barely resist her for a second.

Both were immersed in a passionate kiss, as though they have just only become a married couple in a  few days. They stopped when they heard their baby's crying.

"I must say she's probably jealous of me now." he said, opening his eyes. His wife laughed  and gave a quick-soft kiss upon his lips, "It's my turn, honey." She said, hurrying off to check on the baby.

She picked up their baby  and then held her in her arms."You're feeling hungry now, Keanna?" She snuggled her, sitting on the side of the bed and put the baby on her chest. Her fingers reached for the upper buttons of her blouse. 

Every time she did this -- breastfeeding her -- she felt a wonderful and magical feeling all over her. It was a special moment for her for being able to connect emotionally with her baby.

It made her husband feeling so envy, for seeing the intimate and secluded moment between the mother and  child. She stroked her hair and cuddled her baby in her arms while doing so. It was probably one of the advantages of being a woman that he could never had. He hurried off to grab his camera and turned it on to record the memory of two of them. At least... he would be able to rewind the special moments of his dear loved ones whenever he wanted to. 

He asked her to look at the camera and smile. She was so shy yet so proud at the same time. She had never felt so much bliss throughout her life -- for finally have everything she wanted -- a husband,  her baby resting in her arms.

After feeding their baby, she felt stiff around her back and neck.  She lied down on the bed with the baby beside her. "Are you going to record us the whole day, honey?" She asked.

It took him a while to put the camera down on a table and joined them both on the bed. He laid beside them with their baby on the center. He wasn't sleeping, still looking at  them with full of amazement. His wife often found him stroked the baby's cheek. 

"Shouldn't you go to work now?" She asked.

"I have a day off." He answered. "Our girl is so beautiful, Lila. I bet, she will have lots of boys falling for her when she grows up." He said to his wife and made her laugh a little to hear it. 

"There'll be plenty of time until then, and she's not going to do anything without our permission yet."

"I know." He answered, touching the baby's arm gently. "I must watch over those guys when the time comes. But, I  hope that she's going to look a lot like you, so  perfect in my eyes." 

His words flattered her, but with humility, she said: "I'm not perfect, honey, but somehow you've completed me and made me perfect as much as I always see you perfectly. Remember how many times you often complained about me and how many times I've complained about you?" She said, remembering the times when they were arguing or when she complained about his bad habits. "Nonetheless, the life we have shared together was so wonderful that it made those arguments worth nothing. I just hope... that this will last forever... That is all  I want."

He smiled at her.  It was also the greatest desire in his life. "I promised that this will last forever. I would do anything to keep everything we have already had together ...  to keep you and our baby with me for always." 

He reached for her arms, and then the three of them fell asleep so close to one another.

 ***

I woke up that morning by the sound of birds chirping at the neighbor's yard. I've never felt so happy in my entire life -- to have my life was so complete and full -- but as I observed the surrounding,  it came to me that it was merely a dream. I had to swallow the truth that she had left me at the altar. I was alone without a wife or a child beside me. Without the woman, I loved so deeply.

The dream had gone as the morning came, not to mention a fact that the woman sleeping on my bed was another woman instead of her.





Theme Song : "Making Love Out of Nothing at All" by Air Supply.




Notes: I have to divide this in two parts: An Intro and End of Chapter. End of Chapter is coming soon... and Oops the intro was quite long, I guess.

The Love of a Firefighter Part 2/4 - Left Alone

I could not believe that she didn't show up on our wedding day. I thought she really wanted to marry me, but that special day vanished like a bad dream. All of the guests invited left the venue with only curiosity and questions in their minds. Some of them even laughed, mocking at my stupidity, including Aimee.

How could she? Did she change her mind at the last minute? If that's true, what had changed her mind? Didn't she love me?

That day was supposed to be the most beautiful day in our life, but she ruined it at the least moment.




When everyone had already left, I was still there, sitting on chair, staring at a candle, wondering and pitying over myself, over the gap that I could not fathom, over the reason behind her decision: the one that should have united us in the love that we have shared together, the one that would bind us and bring us closer than before --  the one that would lead us to a wonderful life that she and I would have together.

I thought she was happy, and she wanted me to be there for her throughout her life. It never came across my mind  that she would eventually decide to take another path without me inside it. At least, she should have told me first, before I rented the venue and placed things in orders, before we ordered the cake and bought our wedding dress, before the wedding day finally came and everyone invited came only to watch me alone at the altar.

I loved her... Why did she do this to me? At a time when I was so seriously involved with a woman and decided that it would be for the last time. Then, bang... the truth hit me in the face: she turned me down. I thought she loved me. Lila, honey...why?


Perhaps I should call her and ask her for her reason. Perhaps she got trouble on her way and ... oh,  I didn't  want to think about it, but what if she got an accident?

I reached for a public phone nearby because my cell phone was dead. I only got two coins in my pocket, so I dialed her number and waited long enough for an answer .... until the ringing tone finally ended. I guessed she really didn't want to talk to me, even to explain anything about it. How could she..?

Damnit!! I threw my cell phone onto the ground until it fell apart. My whole body felt weak, and it wasn't because of pain from a disease. The pain stabbed into my chest and my soul broke down into pieces until  finally I fell down onto the ground. I tried to hold it, but my tears were dripping. No! I must not cry! A man should not have cried for a woman who might not even love him truly. Lila probably never loved me. It all must have been nothing between us. Our relationship meant nothing for her. She was lying all those times. A true liar...she was nothing more than a liar.

I got up slowly from the ground and reached for the phone again. I had one coin left in my pocket.


***

 

That night  it felt chilly because of the drizzly rain that moistened the soil. I made two cups of hot coffee with no sugar in both cups and then turn the radio on. I waited for her to come that night. She said she also wanted to talk to me. She had enough of it  and needed a friend to talk to.

"Everyone was right. He- he''s been lying to me the whole time. I should have noticed the changes in his attitude. I was stupid. I'm such... a stupid woman." She said in tears after I greeted her in front of the door. Her clothes were wet. I asked her to change her clothes so she wouldn't get any cold. But I didn't have a woman's cloth, only a long white T-shirt, the one that I bought for Lila in case she chooses to spend a night here. I guessed Lila would never wear it.  After she had worn the T-shirt, she took a cup of hot coffee which I had prepared for her.

"I'm sorry to have called you at a time like this. " I said. " I did not know why,  but you're always easy to make others feel lighten." She and I were sitting on the dining chair,  enjoying our coffee. She glanced at me, feeling sorry for my experience of  being left at the altar.

" I wish I could do something to make you feel better, but I'm sure you will be happy without her either and will find your true happiness."

"Thanks." I smiled at her. The kettle made a sound from the boiling water.

I went to the kitchen to take the kettle from the stove, but while I was on my way  there, I thought about Lila and about  what should have happened on our "should have been" wedding day. I took the kettle from the stove without any pot holder. In a quick move, lifted it up with my whole palm against it, until my hand spontaneously reacted because of the heat. My chest held the kettle from falling off to the floor. It worked, but my shirt got wet, and my skin turned red because of the hot water spilled onto my chest and my arms. I took off my shirt and tried to find another one.

While I was on my way to the bedroom to grab a shirt, I went through the living room and found her crying in front of the door.

"Are you leaving?"  I asked.

Eva Drudge wiped her tears after she noticed me. "Sorry, Dave, I thought I could handle this. But, I can't. I bored him. He slept with that girl, and it's because I bored him."

"Eva... " I hugged her. " You know, it's not true."

Eva and I were close, closer than before.


"Dave...." She said  after I let her loose. "I don't want to come home tonight. I want to stay ...with you. Would you accompany me?"

"Are you sure?" I asked  her before I let go of her hands.
"Yes."

That night the rain was pouring heavily outside the window. The air was cold and we both were two lonely people.