The Falling Angel of Fire Part 4

They went to the Bistro, and she ordered a bread with peanut butter and jelly while Katharina ordered a plate of stir-fry. They sat together at one table, so close to one another. Still, the woman in front of her, the one who gave birth to her, felt so distant and  foreign. It's weird indeed, especially when she recalled her friends's stories about their mothers who seemed so near and real, or when she saw her best friend, Janice, spent a day with her mom, hugging and making silly jokes almost the entire time. While ...that day, she barely had not touched her mother's hands. Pathetic, wasn't it?



Lila looked at her mother's plate and observed her closely as she spooned her food into her mouth with a careful manner and orderly. She knew Katharina was different from any other mothers. She did everything carefully and according to plan.  She would speak out loud and clear if a slightest thing appeared not right in front of her. A bold woman she was, her employees could not even dare to look at her eyes. Sometimes, Lila admired her for that, and maybe it was why Lila turned into the woman who she was. However, it also made a gap between the two of them.

She must admit, though, that her mother was a great woman and she is her mother no matter what. Lila could not expect her to change in one minute. It was like asking for the moon, and she had already been given everything in her life --  things that Katharina thought she needed the most.

Her mother had raised her with dime, gold, and a strong hand, but a little sacrifice was needed, and eventually Lila would understand about it. It's only a little sacrifice after all. You just could not expect too much at one time. Even though she promised not to forget about her promises, but those then eventually became her excuses. Those became her excuses when she canceled the promises to meet her for another meeting with colleagues and potential clients. Her excuses when she forgot that it was the day when Lila played for the school's football game. And her excuses when she held an extravagant birthday party for Lila, but disappeared after her cell phone rang. Of course, each time it happened,  Katharina felt a regret, but after she had done it again and again, she began to excuse herself for being that way.

As a mother who played two roles at one time, Katharina had it tough. Whether Katharina believed it or not, Lila had tried to understand her.  It was certainly a hard thing to do, doing two tasks  at one time, and she had done a terrific job to replace her husband's role. However, her efforts were too much. Lila never asked for something that much, especially when it caused a greater loss for her: the attention from her mother.

After Lila had lost what she really wanted, she asked nothing more from her.

Even so, Lila still had a wish to know her better. She wished her mother would share her thoughts, happiness, fears, and even sadness with her. Maybe it wasn't too late to become friends with her. She only wished that from her, nothing more and nothing less. Probably, from that day, Katharina would begin to let her in: to be close to her,  to redeem those lost times that should have been spent with her. But then, she often thought about that,  and it always ended with another disappointment.

***

As she carefully observed her mother, Lila could not help but think of her mother reasons to go all the way from Sunset Valley to Twinbrook, leaving her appointments there and delaying her short trips out of the country. Would she try to prove that Lila's choices were wrong and persuade her to go back to Sunset Valley? If she intended to do so, what benefits would she get from it? They had walked in different paths and often had different opinions. They argued most of the time about their principles and the way Katharina earned her profits really bothered Lila as an environmentalist. She thought that her mother's company policies would cause damages to the rainforest, the jewel of the earth.  They would argue about it at any moment. But Lila refused to argue that day. Not, especially after she had not seen her for almost two years.

"Why are you coming here so suddenly, mother? It's  not like you. Do you have a business meeting here?" 
"Is it wrong if I want to see my daughter? I just want to know her condition, and whether she's  happy with her choices or not. I fear that she's not." she answered.
"Why did you say that? I'm happy, mother. I've never been so amazingly happy in blissfulness like this, mother. You don't have to worry about that."
"Really? But, if you are happily married, I could not see a reason why you haven't had a baby until now."



Lila choked on her food..

"My dear, you're not the type who likes to postpone it. But maybe, if I am in your position, I will, especially having a firefighter husband and a house like that."

"What's wrong of having a firefighter husband, mother?" Lila said after clearing  her throat. "I am a firefighter. I know how it's like to be a firefighter, and the house is comfortable enough for  us to live in. Maybe, you don't want to stay there because you think it isn't luxurious enough. But, like I've said, I've never been so happy in my life, not even at times when I stayed in your house."

Katharina  dropped her spoon after hearing those words. She came to Twinbrook not for this, and she was certainly not eager  to lead it into further arguments.

"I was just worried, especially when there are so many divorces happened in marriages between firefighters and you know the risk of this job. He may die in any time soon, just like your father did. I did not come here to argue with you. But, yes, I can't believe that both of you are living in a house like that. He should have given you a better one!"

Lila smiled. "I don't care about that, mother. I'm already happy just to be with him. I love him. I love this man! He's a great guy. Just like him,  I could die too in any  moment. And I don't care about those divorce rates. We are different, mother. I believe it and he believes it too. Right now, I just want to live with him, no matter what will happen."

Katharina listened to the words she said. It seemed there's nothing she could do to change her daughter's mind. She didn't wonder from where her daughter inherited that trait. Her triumphs would be useless and she did not come here for those, so she didn't say anything again to her.

Lila noticed her silence and then looked at her mother and smiled.

"I want you to know how great Dave is as a husband. Thank you for worrying about me and for  getting all the way here from Sunset Valley to Twinbrook. You may not believe this, but I miss hearing your scolding sometimes."

"Oh?" it was Katharina's turn to get choked hearing her daughter's words.


"I- I miss hearing ...your arguments too,  my dear."

That was the first time Katharina smiled that day.  She had just realized of how beautiful and valuable those words were, more than anything else she thought before.

But, after a minute or two....

"Why are you eating like that? You are a grown woman for heaven sake!"



"What, mother? I'm just eating like usual." said Lila with a mouth full of bread. Lila often tried to behave in a polite manner in front of her, just like a Lady. But after she decided to leave Sunset Valley to join the firefighters in Twinbrook and then married Dave, she did not care about being a perfect Lady or a perfect daughter. She just wanted to be the real Lila.


"I want to see the fire station."
"What, mother?" asked Lila, not so sure about what she'd just heard.
"I want to see where you work."

"The place you love so much. The one where you put your ambitions and obsession."

Lila watched her closely from behind as they walked into the building.  She could not figure out the reason her mother was so excited to see the place. It seemed not like her. Or, maybe her notion was right that her mother was trying to find her flaws. Lila tried to dismiss those  thoughts at once.
 


"Why isn't there any receptionist here?" Katharina grumbled.

"Maybe we should just leave, mother. Everyone is on shift and is probably busy putting out fire somewhere. Dave is on his shift too right now. There's no one at home. Would you like to stay with us tonight?"
"I will, but I want to see this place first. Where is your office?"
Before Lila could answer her question, Katharina had already walked into the room she thought was Lila's office.

"Mother, that's not my office."
"If it isn't, .. where's yours?" Katharina looked around the office.
"I don't have an office room, mother."
"Really?!"

"How come you don't have one? And how can you stand to work here? The lay out, the office rooms, they even didn't provide a nice cafeteria, and your friends are eating and leaving ice cream and juice everywhere."

"Can you do something about this place?" Katharina turned to Tim who was unlucky for being there. "It needs a renovation and redesign. You should put a receptionist at the front desk! Where is the office boy? The employees here need a nice meal and a cafeteria, and my daughter needs an office of her own."

"We'll- we'll think about it, Ma'am." answered Tim, scratching his head.

"Oh, so my daughter is not the only woman around here?" asked Katharina to Manne. "But, of course she is the leader in her team, right? My daughter is a remarkable girl. She's special. She almost never got scared of anything. Her grandmother  told me how active she was when she was a girl. She played football for her school and won the championship. When she chose to become a firefighter, I wasn't surprised at all. As a mother, I'm just worried that she's wasting her true talents. She is a smart girl and she should be the one who will replace me someday. Surely, she can do better than being a firefighter. "

Someone might be hurt hearing that, but Manne took Katharina's words easily.

"Being a firefighter is a call. Not all people can do it and your daughter is very brave and tough. She is a good firefighter. She even had encouraged other firefighter women to fight for their rights.  We will miss her if she must leave this department."

"What? What did you just say?"
"Haven't you heard it ?"
"Heard what?"
"After the new marriage policy  has been released, she or her husband must leave the department. The Chief would not let Dave go, so...."

"So, she's the one who's going to leave?"

Meanwhile, Lila sat in a corner,  thinking about the letter she received from the Chief. He asked her to  inform Dave immediately about it. But, she had not told him and she needed a time to think about it.



"Lila, are you going to show me your husband 's room where he usually sleeps on shift?"
"I will, mother. Just right this way."
 


"I can't believe these men. Leaving everything in a mess. I wonder if they could take care of themselves."
Katharina put a sullen face, but after a minute or two she quickly made those beds.

"Even though you are a firefighter, it's not going to be easy to have a firefighter as a husband. You should be patient dealing with him and spend your time with him and your family, not like what I did before."
"Mother.." Lila was speechless. Her mother's words made her wonder whether she had changed already.

"Wait a minute!" said Katharina when they passed the fire engine. "Do you drive this?"
"Sometimes, when I'm on my shift."

"Eh, what are you trying to do, mother?"
"I'm just checking the machines. You may not have known it, but I used to learn about engineering and vehicles. This baby looks  new."
"Yes, it was a donation from the Community. You learned about engineering?" asked Lila. She bet there were few other things about her mother that she had not known yet.
"Yes, but I dropped out at the last semester after  I carried you.  Right now, you are the only one who knows about it. It's just between you and me, okay!"

It was certainly a big confession she had made. Lila almost could not believe it when she heard it.

"I may regret to have dropped out ,  but I have never regretted to have you. Sometimes, we just failed, but it would not be the end of the world."

Hearing those words, Lila was completely stunned. She had just known that her mother once had difficult options in her life. Her mother could just decide not to have her, but she didn't...

That moment, Lila only wanted to hug her mother. But, still she couldn't do that. There's a still a space between them.




They spent the afternoon talking about the fire engine. Perhaps, what Lila had wished would become a reality after all?



To be Continued...