The Departure

The scenery outside the window invites me to come. I rise from my seat and walk towards it. If there's no glass layer ahead of me, I would let my body  be carried away by the wind. Standing at edge of the building, I would look up to the clouds and stretch my hands far apart, feeling the air brushes against my skin: fresh, but mixes with the pollution from the heavy industrial factory. The air felt arid suddenly and pit starts to form in my stomach. Down below  are nothing but hot asphalt and a dumpster not  very far to the spot where I could fall to.

 Don't worry, I'm not going to do a suicide.

I still have Alex, Rose and Val - my babies, and I am still alive. Those are the most important thing that matters... the ones that keep me sane up to this moment, and the good thing is there's still a glass layer holding me from doing the worst.

The fingerprint of my thumb is slowly making its mark on the window. Behind me, laughter and squeals of Rose and Val distract me away. I turn to them and realise how lucky Alex and I are. They're still alive, healthy, cheerful and I couldn't ask for more. They have become my reasons to live -- to be brave to face the things that's been happening now, even though I don't really know what's been happening. Even Alex seems like a stranger to me. 

Ch. 17: Follow Into The Dark

Her steps were slow and light. Striding upon expanses of white luminous lights, all around her shone, sparkling, and bright; and as she walked inside this seemingly long and endless tunnel, there's no other voices, only a circular beam of lights in front of her. Touching it, she felt  love, joy, peace swept through her from the tip of her fingers -- those beautiful feelings she would never be able to describe, those miraculous feelings she had been longing for in her life.

'This is it." She knew the light was going to take her to a place and it's going to be the end of her journey, the end of her seeking, but as she touched the sparkling light, the center of lights radiating pure and divine love, she felt unworthy enough to enter it.

 

Remorses caught her languid soul. 

Yet, the pure light once again embraced her, healing every parts of her broken soul, convinced her that there's no other love greater than His love, and then she remembered about the physics lesson in Mrs. Danielle's class... about the supermassive black hole in the universe. Ring of lights and gases with transitory bright spots twirled and radiated, pulling everything around it. Anything would be crushed in a matter of second, but the light in front of her is entirely different. She knew she would be okay. She knew she would always be safe.

But she knew then that she wasn't alone. Someone was waiting behind her, waiting for her to turn around. She felt his warmth, his presence, standing few feet apart from her. Although she hadn't turned around yet, she always knew when he was near... like always.

Ch. 16: Love, Anger, Guilt, and Hate Part 2

"You can do it, Marie. The first step is always the hardest."

Her gaze clung to the floor beneath her feet -- dazzling white marble tiles reflected her yellow-bellied face. The first step has been taken, and now she must go through the next baby steps.

Sweating, her left palm shuddered against the concrete wall. The other pressed against her chest, clutching at the thin fabric underneath her white jacket. Unlike the night before when her brain was filled with the thoughts about Rose's survival, she followed Pierre as he carried her in his arms, now... she felt the strength had already weaken.

"Mommy!"

A push from a stretcher against her leg tilted her body aside, concussing her. She blundered and bumped against the wall. The hysterical cry of a child froze her feet. Standing shivering, she watched a hand hung limply over the edge of the stretcher: the hand of a woman... the mother of the child... fingers coated with blood.

The oxygen level in her lungs dropped, absorbed by the thick current of people surrounded the dead body of the woman. Tile floors beneath her feet spun as she sag back against the concrete wall.

"Are you okay?"

A little girl pulled her hand.

Theme Song: Hello by Evanescence

Her eyes: blue, soft, igniting a smile. Little fingers lifted the weight of her fallen body. Even though, covered by a blue hat adorned with a pink ribbon, Marie could see the little girl's hair had all fallen out and her body was  thin...  too thin for a little girl her age.

"It's - It's you, isn't it?" The name hung heavy at the tip of her tongue. "Amy?"

Reaching for the little girl's cheek, her eyes observed closely every round of the girl's wan face. Half excited, half disbelieved, half afraid that the little girl would disappear from her sight, she pulled her hands and held her close.

"I love you, big sis." Marie could hear her soft squeal somewhere nearby. A smile across her face as the wind swept beneath their feet and over their heads. Thousands of lights dispersed and flashed around her small body. Standing in front of her school, her kitty school bag slung across her oversize school shirt. Though some of her hair had fallen out, her pink flowery hat flapped by the wind forced her to grab it and hold it tight, and her body thicken with bones -- pale face dimly lit by thousands of untold pain -- there she was... smiling, still eager to go to her class. And even though some of the other kids ran joyfully in the playground -- so contrary to her standing with exhaustion by  the swollen in her lungs and kidney portrayed by the dark purple below her eyes-- her small feet stepped with large paces she could take...  running toward her, giving her big sister a biggest hug... the biggest hug Marie might never feel again.

The more she observed her, the more she knew her eyes had been deceiving her. "You're not her. You're not...Amy.  Leave! Please leave!"

Turning her back to the little girl, chest pressed against the wall, hands crawling on it, her sweat seeped into the concrete as she felt nothing but guilt. The girl looked hurt already, but she had plodded away with her back hunched -- staring accusingly at her.

The dizziness returned and her body shivered like a broken glass. Even the wall kept bouncing back no matter how hard she tried to press herself against it. It seemed... her efforts to find a soft spot to hide brought her nothing as she had hurt another's feeling. It was so terrible of her -- so terrible that her feet limped, shook, and falling.

"Are you okay?"

A hand shielded her fingers on the wall, squeezing them tight, preventing her from falling, "You don't look so good. ", and then lowering them gently.

“P- Pierre? Take - take me out of here!"

Ch. 16: Love, Anger, Guilt, and Hate Part 1

If a memory could be erased quickly as that, easy as that, and this guilt could easily be snatched away off my chest, I might have found myself standing beside her, my best friend, who's lying on hospital bed,  who needs me at the moment, but here I am... holding my knees. My forehead pressed against my arms, forcing the sweat to sully on the sleeves of my jacket. My knees shakily drawn up in front of me. I saw nothing as the hiccups raced with the bursts of my tears.  

"Stupid...Stupid!" My tongue is at rest, but my heart isn't. I know I should not have acted like this.  I know I should have rushed inside the building and faced the shadows of  doctors and nurses stood in the operation room with their hands covered with blood-- the blood of my mother.

I couldn't understand her reasons as I felt the ice crept up through my bones. How could my mother had chosen to give her life and left me for her?

I didn't want to know about the baby. All I wanted was my mother.

But I knew I could not escape her anymore as I held her in my arms.

My heart melt by her warmth. She looked so much like her. She was the exact resemblance of my mother. My hands began to tremble. I was so afraid that she would slip out of my grips and fall onto the floor, so I held her close and tucked her, sniffing her thin hairs as they brushed against my cheek.

                                 

Her eyes closed tight and she yawned as she finally asleep. My fingers caressed her pluffy cheek  as she held my thumb tightly in her sleep.

Time went by and  she became more than my sister. She was my best friend.

Theme Song: Keep Breathing by Inggrid Michaelson

I love her

and I watched her until she was able to sleep on her own bed. Tucking her at night, I told her stories about Thumbelina and about a fish trying to find his son after getting caught by the fisherman's net.

And as I fixed her blanket --ready to say good night to her -- she asked me to let the light on because she was afraid of the monsters who might leap out of the closet. I chuckled because she reminded me of myself. I was  scared of so many things when I was in her age. Waking up at night and found the bed was wet, mom rushed to see me crying. She hugged me and kissed me on the forehead, letting me to sleep by her side until the morning came. Later, my mother told me that as long as I have these butterfly hair pins she gave to me, I would be okay and that the monster would cease and disappear long before they could even open the door, so  I gave my sister one of those pins and told her that momma would always be there for us.

But now... I know I need more than this butterfly hair pin. Death have taken my sister... right there, inside that building as she held my thumb tightly before she let it go forever.


And now, death is going to take my best friend.

Tell me how life is fair?

Ch. 15: Lost and Return

"Science facility? I think we've found what you might be interested in." Jon Marsh spoke on the phone to someone in charge of the Landgraab Science Facility. The man whom he spoke to barely able to see him, but he could hear the excitement in John's voice. Yes, the man had heard correctly. Jon Marsh had finally able to smile again after what had happened to him.

Several hours before,  he and his friend, Josh Hamilton, were found by the police sitting in their boat, reprimanding themselves for what had happened to them. Everything had gone out of their plans and what's left of the convict were only her clothes scattered around the deck.

"At least we can go back in and check it out. Maybe it's a treasure , mate."

Josh nodded, but did not elaborate, too tired to tell Jon that they were not in "Pirate of Carribean" movies. But, he was  helpless to say no to his buddy. Together, they dived the sea and Josh only hoped that Jon's words were true or he's going to knock Jon's head  with a hammer for making him go through such trouble.

This time Jon was right, though. Back on the surface, Josh had to admit it to his buddy for ten years. 

They called another boat to pull it out and as the thing they found at the bottom of the sea reached the surface, Josh could not help but stared at the electro-mechanical machine. " Like in Transformer movie, huh?"

Jon's words were proven to be true and that's why he's making that phone call. 

"Okay,  please hold, we're going to connect you to a line..."

Jon waited,  drumming his palm on his thigh and was crossing his fingers tightly.  Hopefully, their finding could redeem what they have lost, but still he could not figure out all the puzzles lingered in. What else could he say? She's gorgeous, too deliciously beautiful to look at, and all they were did were just trying to fill in the empty afternoon with a little party on their boat, even though - minutes before it got started—he could see  obvious signs that no one would come... not even one, except... her. 

The disastrous woman.