The Love of a Firefighter End of Chapter Part 5 - Eva - To Fix What Has Already Been Broken

We sat on a bench at the Esplanade that morning. It had been several weeks passed since our last meeting. Lots of things had changed since then, but I had not heard any news or clues about her at first. She looked a bit calm than the night she came to me. I couldn't even see the trace of tears on her cheek. 

She took a deep breath while gazing at the lake in front of us. I could hear it stuck in her throat as she cleared it off before finally spoke.

"It seems everything is going well between you and Lila."

"Pretty much." I answered. I was going to say: "It's been great." but not upon noticing the look on her face.

"It's good then." She said.

"Yes. I just hope that my friend feels the same, or at least will, so... how are things?" Finally, I have the courage to ask her the question. No matter how deep the hesitation tried to fight it down, it finally passed my tongue. Maybe if those words were kept in my throat, she would not let me know about it -- of how things have been progressing for her in the last few weeks. I was hoping to hearing good news.

"The truth, Dave. I think that I would not be able to believe him anymore. I cannot trust him or put my faith on him like the way I used to. I loved him, but that man betrayed my love. I just want to slap him and make him realize all the hurts inside, and how it's suffocating and killing me ..." There was a pause before she exhaled a breath. Her words filled with anger, and I could see how much she tried to hold it. I had never seen her like this before.

"What would you expect if you were in my position, Dave? If you were me, what would you do?" She said, asking me a question that I haven't  thought before.

".. I don't know.. If Lila do that, I seriously have no idea of what to do." I answered. Of course, I could not imagine it, to see my Lila falling in another man's arms.

"Actually, it would be easy for me to just leave him. We haven't had a child. I could  walk away. I'm not tied on anything with him, except for the commitment we've made years ago, but, then again, he broke it. So, is there anything worth to fight for?" She turned to me, ready for an answer, but I was kept in silence, trying not to make things worse than already was by saying things to her.

She threw her gaze away and sniffed, taking the oxygen  from the flowing water in the lake, and then quickly exhaled it back. It should have been a refreshing breath, but the waste from a laboratory and unused warehouse nearby, made us hesitated to take a further breath.

"Do you still love him?" I asked, breaking off the silence.

"Does it even matter now?" She questioned me back.

"Perhaps..."

Eva thought about it, and then with an expressionless smile she said:

"Some people believe that love is only temporarily and that it will be gone after the lust is gone. I almost believe it. Has he lost our love? When I asked him, he said that it was just a temporary fling, to find something that he could not get from me. I almost believe it. He made me believe it, but couldn't he see all the attentions and love I showed every day by the time he woke up and then fell to sleep again? By the time I prepared him bread and egg for breakfast? Maybe, I behaved, and acted like what he told me, but he's not that perfect either and it doesn't justify his act. He should not have cheated. He should have talked about our problem first. Then, we could discuss of how to work things out, and we could even decide if we should call our lawyers or not. Now, he almost covered the possibility to overcome the problems in our marriage.  He said that he was sorry, and he still loves me and wants to keep our marriage. He is even willing to attend the marriage counseling together."

"So, what would you do, Eva?"

"I don't know, Dave. The wound has not healed yet. Perhaps, I need time while trying to find a way to work things out, until I'm finally able to forgive him. It's hard... mostly if it concerns the person you cared and trust so much. It felt like being stabbed in the back and the knife just won't come out. Even when I have finally learned and able to forgive him, the memory will still be there except if I have an amnesia or something."  She smiled. Her words put me in silence. I could not fathom all the pain she experienced. I learned something, probably one of valuable lessons from my friend.

I know marriage is not an easy thing to do. Probably there will be few obstacles along the way, and sometimes we have to communicate with our partner about the grudges that haunt us, rather than trying to pursuit an easy get away. Even though, it will not be easy to say or, even more, to hear it.

The main matter is simple though that everyone is just eager to be wanted, to feel being loved. But, sometimes our ideal of being loved is different with our partner. I guess that's when good communication, honesty, understanding, and love will play their roles.

And I must admit that love is not still or in a certain state, rather it flows along with our emotions and some elements in our brain that doctors and scientist have been trying to figure out until now. Love that flare like a burning fire can be extinguishable if neither one struggle to warm it up, and in the end, maybe the fire will turn into a little light from a candle. But, I guess those moments will be worth, after all those tests and struggles, at a time when we have grown older and wiser.

 I didn't know what would happen, and I'm just a man. I  hoped that Eva's experience would remind me later. One thing I definitely knew for sure that I love Lila. Hopelessly in love with her. I could  not imagine to live without her. All I could imagine is to be beside her, to make her feel comfort and loved, and I wanted her to love me always.

While I thought about Lila, her smile, and put some silly smiles on my own face, suddenly Eva chuckled.

"Dave, thank you for  muffled me by letting me cry on your shoulder that night. I guess I almost acted like a fool. It was a coincidence that you were in a same disappointment like I was. Could you imagine if we did it, after knowing that your Lila has not left you at the altar deliberately?" She said after she stopped herself from laughing.

"I'm glad you're laughing, Eva.  And you're not being a fool. You just wanted to talk to someone. It's so coincidence that I also needed someone. I didn't know why me might. Maybe it was because of the pain we felt. I'm glad we didn't  do it, or it would make things complicated than already is."

"I know.  I should have faced it no matter how it hurts. I told him that I would leave him if he did it again, and I would do it gladly.  For now, I will give him a chance. Let's just see about it later!" She winked.



I smiled. It was nice to see her a bit relaxed.

"I hope that we will meet and talk again in different circumstances, Dave." She got up from the bench.

With those words out of her mouth, I knew that she needed a time to be alone to take care of her problems. 

"I hope so, and I understand, Eva. I wish for your happiness, no matter how things will turn out for you."

She smiled. "Life is like a flowing water and blowing breeze, Dave. I know I will get through this eventually. I just hope that it will not change me drastically to the worst side, although part of me has already changed. I hope I'm becoming a better person. I'm glad to have known you, Dave. I always believe that everything goes for a reason. Thank you for listening to me."

"You're welcome. And thank you, Eva, I hope we will always be friends."

We said goodbye that day at the Esplenade. We were still  good friends, and we would run into each other on the road, but it would be better that way. Things would never be the same again for Eva and me. I only wished happiness for my dear friend. 

I rushed  home afterwards. I came home to see her... my love, the only one.




"You look so happy today." She beautifully smiled.

"Yes, I am... cause I'm here... with you."




Lila, my love, I want to grow old with you.



To Be Continued to : The Falling Angel of Fire Part One"



Theme Song : "Grow Old With Me" by John Lennon and "When I Wake Up Tomorrow" by The Perishers